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Don't be That Guy

By Bill Berg, 02/06/12, 8:07AM CST

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I've been spending too much time in the peanut gallery

I think we all know “that guy.” You can see him, and hear him, at just about any hockey game, at any level. You know the guy I’m talking about. He never played hockey, he thought that icing was just the stuff on top of the cake until his kid started playing. Yet he still manages to voice his opinion about anything and everything that happens on the ice.

Just to be clear, we know that you aren’t that guy. People who read and follow Wisconsin Prep Hockey are well-informed intelligent hockey people. That guy is an idiot. You are not an idiot.

At some games, that guy starts up before the first puck is even dropped. If his team and the game officials are on the ice and seemingly ready to go, but the opposing team hasn’t come out of their dressing room yet, that guy will start yelling for a delay of game penalty.

When the game starts, it is as though that guy is wearing the old-fashioned 3D glasses with the one red lens and the one blue lens. Through the red lens, he sees clearly all the transgressions of the opposing team. Any time one of his team’s players gets checked, knocked down, or loses the puck, that guy yells at the referee “Hey! What was that?” Or "You gotta call THAT!" Sometimes with a few extra words thrown in to further emphasize his point.

Through the blue lens he sees only the good intentions of his own team. If the referee should happen to see it differently and call a penalty on his guys, that guy lets him know. “What? You’re calling that? You let all that other stuff go, and now you’re calling that?” Or maybe, “That’s a ticky-tack call.” Or my personal favorite, “C’mon ref, let ’em play,” but that’s another article all by itself. All of his team’s penalties are legal actions that are misinterpreted by the referee.

At some point in the game it may happen that one team is assessed two, three or even four penalties in a row. That guy does not like that, so he has to remind the referee that “There are two teams out there!” Somehow, somewhere, somebody got the notion that the penalties are supposed to be even. It doesn’t matter if one team is playing within the rules and the other team is not, the penalties should be even. Or at least close to even.

Can you picture that guy yet? Every team has at least one in their group. What starts to get bizarre is when that guy is within earshot of that guy from the other team. Suddenly, the heretofore idiot referee has a new best friend. When he calls a penalty and the penalized team’s that guy yells at him, the other team’s that guy has to stick up for him. “Good call ref. He clearly did whatever it was you just caught him doing.” Which is immediately countered by “That was a B.S. call,” from the other side.

Back and forth it goes. That guy supposedly yelling at the referee, but looking directly at that guy from the other team. At some point, a few of the other fans start to join in the conversation. Not so much that they agree with their own that guy, but they really disagree with the other team’s that guy. But you don’t do that. You know it is silly and pointless. You aren’t going to get drawn in, right?

Don’t be that guy.