A new season begins. Optimism and excitement fill every lockeroom as the vision of a great season dances in the heads of coaches, players and parents. It is truly a journey worth every bit of the hyperbole that surrounds it.

Stretching my mathematical skills to the limit, I have calculated that the average amount of time a WIAA hockey team will spend together in this journey is approximately three-hundred hours. This consists of practices, lockerooms, bus rides, video sessions, off-ice, team meals and of course games. For many players and coaches, they will spend more time with their hockey families than their actual families.

This journey that we speak so eloquently about is not overstated. It can be one the most educational and character-building experiences available to any high school student. Incorrectly, the belief is that the success or failure of each season is largely dependent upon the outcome of those twenty-four plus games. The value of the experience comes not from the roughly six-percent of the time the games occupy, but from the other ninety-four percent.

When my youngest daughter Emily struggled to get meaningful playing time early in her college career at UW-Eau Claire, I constantly asked her if the rest of the time with the team was fun. Her answer was always, yes, but… I want to play. I would have been disappointed if her answer didn’t include the last four words, but kept reminding her about the ninety-four percent. Having been on all sides of the playing time quandary I think I understand it quite clearly.

I am not sure which letter in the alphabet generation messed this up, but there seems to be the illusion that everyone on the team can get exactly what they want. As if there is unlimited playing time for all, everyone can start, and we will all be the team MVP. In fact, some of those great character-building moments I alluded to earlier are tangled in those hallucinations. The obstacles, the failures, the falling down are just as important as the successes. I’ll admit, not as much fun, but often infinitely more valuable.

As the pucks drop around the state, I hope every player makes their priority about being a great teammate and better person. That they subvert their individual agendas and replace them with an unbreakable belief that the team comes first. And that they will allow no-one, not even a well-intentioned parent or an overbearing one, to shatter that belief. So when a parent crosses that critical line I hope you will ask them to stop or politely excuse yourself from the conversation.

Communicate with all your teammates, learn about them beyond the rink and develop a respect and trust that allows you to tell each other the truth. Realize that conflict within a team is inevitable but won’t destroy your team if it isn’t ignored. Demonstrate your leadership, call a team meeting and embrace it head on.

My wish is that every player learns to compete like bulldogs with their teammates, then express “mudita” (taking joy in others' happiness) when the depth chart doesn’t go exactly their way. That they will quickly learn that their effort, attitudes and decision making are just as important as their skill level. And while those first three will impact the rest of your life every day, your nasty dangles will be relatively useless.

I hope that when things don’t go your way, and they won’t always, you won’t be surprised and your parents will listen, give you a hug and tell you to go fix it. Your playing time, your place on the depth chart is entirely up to you. Everyone in your world can be in your corner, but the mind you must change is the one blowing the whistle at practice. Ask them what you need to do better and as a coach you need a better answer than “just keep doing what you’re doing.” That no matter what your role is, accept it, excel at it. Trust that your coach knows that this is what the team needs from you.

Don’t allow that six percent to be bigger than the ninety-four percent. Don’t allow that disappointment over the six percent convince you that the other ninety-four percent isn’t worth it, because it is. I have had wonderful players who’s worth to the team was deeply rooted in the ninety-four percent. Coaches, enjoying and fostering that ninety-four percent also applies to you. Don’t be just about wins and losses. Create a culture that is filled with learning life lessons. If you truly want to maximize the impact of that ninety-four percent on your team’s unity, make all that time phone free.

Contrary to the illusion that high school sports is about college scholarships and doing whatever it takes to win, it isn’t. I have coached teams that have won only a handful of games and a team that lifted the trophy at center ice. Each season is special, because of the relationships you build, the challenges you face together and the memories you create. All of that happens whether you are playing twenty minutes a game or two and whether you are winning or losing games.

Coaches, players and parents please stop using playing time as the gold standard for measuring players success in athletics. Players don’t ever stop working to make that six percent everything you want it to be, and at the same don’t ever allow coming up short of that goal be enough to keep you from enjoying the rest of the journey and never enough to make you walk away.

Replace your frustration with an attitude of gratitude for all the good that this journey will provide. You will quickly discover that being thankful for what you have instead of bitter about what you don’t will transform your journey and allow you to soak in and truly enjoy all the good that is right there in front of you.  

Dan Bauer is a free-lance writer, retired teacher & hockey coach in Wausau, WI. You can contact him at drbauer13@gmail.com.